Monday, May 31, 2010
I decided to check out Susan's blog, Gray Matter, and what a wonderful surprise!
I'd especially like to recommend three of her recent posts:
"Kid with Aspergers interviews his mom" a real interview from PBS's Story Corp.
"Say YES AND" , recommended reading for anyone who has conversations about faith,
and "A stolen Poem by Mary Oliver". I need to check out Mary Oliver's poetry. This poem, "The Journey", could be a word picture of the place I am in my life's journey right now. I've listened to the voices of others saying "do this, do that" for so many decades. It's time for me to find out what MY voice sounds like!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Yesterday, somehow, (and I think it's grace at work!) I realized on a gut level that, for now at least, I'm ready to embrace solitude for a while.
Then, yesterday afternoon, I brought myself and a couple of books to the beach. As I was walking along, I noticed a couple taking pictures of one another next to the ocean. I asked if they'd like a picture together. Their faces lit up, and they told me that this was their 30th anniversary, and they didn't have any way to get a picture of them together! It made my heart happy to snap that photo.
Then, I walked away, tears in my eyes, thinking of how what would have been my 30th anniversary had just passed a few months ago.
So, I spent a few moments mourning what could have been, feeling grateful that I can actually FEEL the feelings.
Isolation is what I've practiced in the past......... hiding away in my own little world, eating to numb the pain, afraid to reach out.
Today this feels ENTIRELY different. Somehow, I feel ready to call off the search for "someone to love me", and start loving and nurturing myself. Oh, yes, I'll still reach out to others......... but I'll know that it's OK to be by myself, too.
Being by myself doesn't have to be lonely.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
I decided to read the book because of this line I read as I flipped through its pages.
"God's grace is more like wind in a sail than it is like lightning."
That said, I'm off to work on the sailboat that is my day-to-day life. Tomorrow being Pentecost, as I hear the telling of God's Spirit coming with the sound of a mighty wind....... I'll be thinking of God's Spirit and a little sailboat.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
My niece had HELLP syndrome, and a brain hemmorage, the day she delivered her first beautiful baby girl in March.
She is recovering beautifully, little by little, one day at a time. Her recovery is just amazing, and Scott found wonderful hope and guidance in this book!
I decided to read the book so that I would have more understanding of what is happening with Lisa. First of all, I'd highly recommend this reading for anyone in the position of caring for a stroke survivor! Jill Bolte Taylor is a brain scientist, and she tells about her stroke, and her amazing 7-year recovery from that stroke. Her words of wisdom for the caregiver have guided Scott as he's helped his wife recover!
Secondly, let me tell you, this book is an amazing, easy-to-read book that showcases the plasticity of our brains, and I've found alot of hope for myself in the pages of this book.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
It's not something I talk about often, but I'm a person who used to cope with life, stuff my emotions, and barely survive by eating til I was stuffed. That "worked" until all of a sudden it didn't work. I found myself eating so much that I was up many nights "hugging the porcelain", and that didn't work for me!
So, I'm OA, and am I ever grateful for the 12 Steps! I'm finally learning how to face my stuff instead of stuffing my face.
To paraphrase a recovery reading that has stuck with me for 2 days: I'm thankful that recovery is giving me the vision to realize that I don't have to change the world, others, situations, or even myself; I'm responsible for "doing the footwork" -- change is God's domain!
That's an idea that I can use in every situation. No, I don't sit around wishing and hoping for change; I do what I can, which is to work towards that change. I can accomplish so much more, and be much more joyous in the task, knowing that my best IS good enough, as long as I can let go and trust God for the changes needed.