Sunday, June 21, 2009

Father's Day........... sigh

Father's Day doesn't do much for my state of mind these days.

Let's see, I can think about my own father, who lives a 10-hour drive away, and with whom I have a perfunctory relationship..... or I can think about the father of my children, who lives nearby, but has NO relationship with his (and my) children. That one hurts more than thinking of my own father. Is it because I feel guilty over having chosen such a self-centered man as the father of my children? In my defense I'll say that he put up a pretty good front before we were married.

My "children" are adults, so I don't feel the need to insist that they contact their father on Father's Day. Even if I felt the need to insist, they would most certainly NOT feel the need to comply........ you know how that goes!

I DID call my father, and had a pleasant chat. That's good, I guess. I wish I had the nerve to ask him some important questions, such as "are you ready now to tell me about your memories of my mother?", or "how did it feel to have your wife first become disabled and then die, as you had five children to care for?" Alas, that subject has been absolutely TABOO for 45 years now. Sadly, I don't want to talk much if we can't talk about that.

To end this post on a happier note, I DO have a heavenly Father, and I am so grateful that I can talk to that Father about anything and everything!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The "art quote" of the day -- FINISHING THE THOUGHT!

Well, I really lost my train of thought there, didn't I?

And, now the art quote isn't even THERE any more. To paraphrase, it said that art must first be gentle and then honest.

Well, for me, gentleness with myself doesn't come naturally. I'm working on that! Honesty without gentleness, when dealing with changes that I need to make in my life......... well, that just turns into downright meanness. I prefer gentleness these days, thank you........... I've had quite enough of the other.

Tragedy on the way to the beach.......

An old acquaintance of mine died on the highway this weekend, and her son died, too.
It's weird how, when I first saw the report of the accident in the paper, I somehow knew in the pit of my stomach...... that someone I knew had died there.

Later, I found that the names had been released. There, unmistakably was a fellow "soccer mom" with whom I had cheered on the sidelines. She was one of those people who put their all into life, and it showed! We have crossed paths many times over the years, and we've always been happy to see each other and "catch up" on our children's lives. Her son, who played soccer with my son, is now motherless and brotherless. Her daughter, who, as a toddler, played on the sidelines with my daughter, and who graduated high school with my daughter just one year ago,..... her mother and brother are gone.

The road where they died is on the way to the beach. I travelled that way tonight, and almost started crying as I passed the place where the terrible accident happened. Yes, the road has been cleared........ no sign of the tragedy is left. I imagine my trips to the beach will be just a little bit different now. As I come to that curve in the road, I hope I'll pause and remember a dear lady whose smile was contagious. She shouted encouragement to her son, and to mine. As I pause, I hope I remember to pray for the "children".... ahem, the young adults, who are left with only a memory of their mother and brother.

May light perpetual shine upon them.......... and may peace be with those they left behind.