Today my feelings are so mixed up! I'm joyful, and I'm melancholy. I'm hopeful and I'm feeling insecure.
Today, my daughter and her father are spending some time together! It has been over four years since my divorce, and I've encouraged my daughter to keep in contact with her father. That, however, hasn't happened much at all in the last 3 years or so.
My daugher is now 18, and will be graduating from high school next month. Somehow, it seems that it is now easier for connection to happen between Cindy and her dad. It's an answer to my prayers, and I'm so happy for them both!
Why is it that a little part of me is afraid that she won't want to be a part of my life as much, now that she is becoming part of her father's life? My daughter has so much love to give, I know that she has enough for both of us.
It IS true, however, and an absolutely ESSENTIAL part of her "growing up", that she won't want to be as much a part of my life now. So, I'm melancholy. The letting go isn't easy. My challenge is to accept my feelings for what they are........ part of the human experience....... and a big part of what makes our lives rich, full, and worth living.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Keeping the memory alive
Today has been an interesting day for me, and for my memories.
My mother died when I was quite young, but I do have a beautiful memory of my mother singing...... and sharing the joy of watching some birds. Maybe THAT'S why I so enjoy the birds today! I've always loved singing, too, especially in church. No matter how low I'm feeling, joining in the singing of hymns brings joy to my spirit.
This morning, while singing a hymn in church, I had the unmistakeable sensation that my mother was singing along. That was quite an experience!
Then, a few minutes ago I was reading Saturday's post over at "Journey of Grace" (the link's in my bloglist!) with some beautiful pictures of roses. As I read about the special person's memory evoked by those roses, I was transported back to Massachusetts, to my Uncle Earle's rose garden, and I was warmed by the memories I have of my dear Uncle.............. the person who brought grace, love, and caring to my childhood.
I think I'm going to have to do some research, and find out if there is such a thing as a rose that is good for a beginner gardener with a serious "brown thumb". Thank you, Jayne, for the inspiration! :~)
My mother died when I was quite young, but I do have a beautiful memory of my mother singing...... and sharing the joy of watching some birds. Maybe THAT'S why I so enjoy the birds today! I've always loved singing, too, especially in church. No matter how low I'm feeling, joining in the singing of hymns brings joy to my spirit.
This morning, while singing a hymn in church, I had the unmistakeable sensation that my mother was singing along. That was quite an experience!
Then, a few minutes ago I was reading Saturday's post over at "Journey of Grace" (the link's in my bloglist!) with some beautiful pictures of roses. As I read about the special person's memory evoked by those roses, I was transported back to Massachusetts, to my Uncle Earle's rose garden, and I was warmed by the memories I have of my dear Uncle.............. the person who brought grace, love, and caring to my childhood.
I think I'm going to have to do some research, and find out if there is such a thing as a rose that is good for a beginner gardener with a serious "brown thumb". Thank you, Jayne, for the inspiration! :~)
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Of cats and modems
Whew! I'm back online!!!!!
Friday afternoon (and today's Wednesday!) my son called to tell me that someone left a drink near my modem. My son has this darling, curious, speedy cat named Midnight. Well, Midnight knocked over the drink, and my thus my modem died.
I tried going to a store and buying a modem. After 6 hours of talking with technical support people who all kept telling me that it was the OTHER company's problem..... I decided to order a modem from my internet service provider.
So, now, with NO phone conversations needed at all, I'm happily back in Google-world! YAY!
Friday afternoon (and today's Wednesday!) my son called to tell me that someone left a drink near my modem. My son has this darling, curious, speedy cat named Midnight. Well, Midnight knocked over the drink, and my thus my modem died.
I tried going to a store and buying a modem. After 6 hours of talking with technical support people who all kept telling me that it was the OTHER company's problem..... I decided to order a modem from my internet service provider.
So, now, with NO phone conversations needed at all, I'm happily back in Google-world! YAY!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
just one more post!
I just HAVE to share this blog post I found!
An udge and a wink, and a thought about how "things come from nothing very much, start from unpromising beginnings, and I am an unpromising beginning, and I could start something too."
What inspiration! :~)
An udge and a wink, and a thought about how "things come from nothing very much, start from unpromising beginnings, and I am an unpromising beginning, and I could start something too."
What inspiration! :~)
Graduation update
I just have to say that I'm SO proud of my daughter!
We've moved past the "poor me, my favorite Aunt cannot come". In fact, Cindy received a letter from her Aunt, explaining the news. Now, Cindy plans on writing BACK to tell Aunt Martha that she understands. :~)
It's such a joy to see my caring daughter reach out and give back some of the love she's been given.
Meanwhile, we're moving into the mode of planning a celebration! I don't know what that's going to look like yet, but I trust that it will be something memorable. Instead of racking my brain trying to figure out what would make it memorable for Cindy, I've simply asked HER to tell me!
As a divorced mom, I was also struggling with whether to include Cindy's dad and his family in celebration plans. Why do I always immediately think that I'M responsible for arranging things for him and his family??? I'm NOT MARRIED TO HIM any more! So, I did an amazing (for me anyway) thing. I called him on the phone, told him the date and time of the graduation, and said that if he and his family wanted to celebrate with Cindy, they would need to arrange it with her!
Do I sound like I'm learning what's my responsibility and what isn't? I think so, and, for today, that's a wonderful feeling.
We've moved past the "poor me, my favorite Aunt cannot come". In fact, Cindy received a letter from her Aunt, explaining the news. Now, Cindy plans on writing BACK to tell Aunt Martha that she understands. :~)
It's such a joy to see my caring daughter reach out and give back some of the love she's been given.
Meanwhile, we're moving into the mode of planning a celebration! I don't know what that's going to look like yet, but I trust that it will be something memorable. Instead of racking my brain trying to figure out what would make it memorable for Cindy, I've simply asked HER to tell me!
As a divorced mom, I was also struggling with whether to include Cindy's dad and his family in celebration plans. Why do I always immediately think that I'M responsible for arranging things for him and his family??? I'm NOT MARRIED TO HIM any more! So, I did an amazing (for me anyway) thing. I called him on the phone, told him the date and time of the graduation, and said that if he and his family wanted to celebrate with Cindy, they would need to arrange it with her!
Do I sound like I'm learning what's my responsibility and what isn't? I think so, and, for today, that's a wonderful feeling.
Friendship
The beauty I have found in this day is the beauty of friendship.
It used to be that I didn't know how to "make friends". I was the girl standing on the edges of the playground, wishing that I could find the courage to try and reach out.
Now, I'm so grateful for the friends with whom I can be REAL! Today I spent some time with just such a friend. We ate lunch and then went for a 2-mile walk. I was able to open up, and share about some of my current struggles, and she was able to do the same. Did we solve all of our problems? Well, no. It was amazing though, how we each helped the other see different possibilities. AND, we got some exercise at the same time! :~)
Hooray for friendship!
It used to be that I didn't know how to "make friends". I was the girl standing on the edges of the playground, wishing that I could find the courage to try and reach out.
Now, I'm so grateful for the friends with whom I can be REAL! Today I spent some time with just such a friend. We ate lunch and then went for a 2-mile walk. I was able to open up, and share about some of my current struggles, and she was able to do the same. Did we solve all of our problems? Well, no. It was amazing though, how we each helped the other see different possibilities. AND, we got some exercise at the same time! :~)
Hooray for friendship!
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