Sunday, June 21, 2009

Father's Day........... sigh

Father's Day doesn't do much for my state of mind these days.

Let's see, I can think about my own father, who lives a 10-hour drive away, and with whom I have a perfunctory relationship..... or I can think about the father of my children, who lives nearby, but has NO relationship with his (and my) children. That one hurts more than thinking of my own father. Is it because I feel guilty over having chosen such a self-centered man as the father of my children? In my defense I'll say that he put up a pretty good front before we were married.

My "children" are adults, so I don't feel the need to insist that they contact their father on Father's Day. Even if I felt the need to insist, they would most certainly NOT feel the need to comply........ you know how that goes!

I DID call my father, and had a pleasant chat. That's good, I guess. I wish I had the nerve to ask him some important questions, such as "are you ready now to tell me about your memories of my mother?", or "how did it feel to have your wife first become disabled and then die, as you had five children to care for?" Alas, that subject has been absolutely TABOO for 45 years now. Sadly, I don't want to talk much if we can't talk about that.

To end this post on a happier note, I DO have a heavenly Father, and I am so grateful that I can talk to that Father about anything and everything!


Ruth said...

So sorry to hear of your circumstances. Fathers' day is hurtful for many people I know. But I am glad you know the comfort of your heavenly Father.

Jayne said...

((((Evelyn)))) Those relationships are often certainly not the easiest.

Louis said...

I'm sorry to hear that father's day brings with it a batch of unpleasant feelings for you. But it's great to see that you embrace your heavenly Father. He loves you more than you understand!