Alive!

Finally, my second poem inspired by The Miss Rumphius Effect (see link to her blog in my blogroll!). Her Tuesday Poetry Stretch was to write a poem in the form of a Rictameter.

I have spent most of my years "watching life happen" instead of actively pursuing the life I want.
Just this evening I felt myself slipping into that "I want to hide out from life" state of mind.
I wrote this poem instead! :~)

Alive!
Not just dreaming
And watching life happen
Present in this very moment
Participating fully, engaging
my senses, emotions, actions
Failing, trying again
Not giving up
Alive!

A day at the beach? NOT today!

Today was NOT the day at the beach that I had planned.

We FINALLY got some rain, so I'm grateful for that! It was getting so dry and dusty around here...... while the midwest is flooding.

I DID get to learn a new game. I played Othello for the first time. If anyone is looking for a challenging, interesting, quick game that is played by 2 people ------- I'd say give Othello a try!
Isn't it nice when we can have our plans change, and yet enjoy the day?!

Feeling like a "grown-up"

When I started this blog, I noted that my sister always said "life begins at 50".

Well, I'm getting closer and closer to that magic number, and I've had the most amazing feeling today................. I actually "feel like a grown-up"!

I know, I know........ you might say that I've been an adult for years! Somehow, though, I have had this feeling of being an imposter. I spent my whole childhood anticipating the wonderful life I would have when I got away from my abusive household and "became an adult."

Imagine my surprise, when I found out that all of my problems didn't suddenly go away, just because I reached a magic age! I'm finally learning that the coping mechanisms I developed to survive my childhood have NOT WORKED VERY WELL as an adult.

So, after almost 3 years of therapy, and just about that long as a member of a 12-step group, I had the most amazing realization today. I don't feel like an imposter! I feel like an adult! WOW!

Catching up . . .

It's been TOO LONG since I've posted.

I've been in that proverbial, not-so-fun place called "between a rock and a hard place".

With perseverence, hope, prayers, and lots of support, I'm getting closer and closer to the edge of this difficult place! The view on the other side is breathtaking, too.

Here's a sampling of the things I've learned lately:

• Not all surprises in life are wonderful.
• Sometimes even the closest of friendships can come apart at the seams.
• I CAN deal with difficulties, without running to food or another "drug of choice" for solace.
• I've learned how to use a power drill........ and learned how to ask the nice folks at Home Depot for help. They may laugh later, but they didn't laugh at me to my face!
• I can cry in front of a friend, and she'll be OK with that!
• Even (or maybe ESPECIALLY) when facing big obstacles, it's important to allow myself some rest.
• I don't have to face my problems alone, and it's OK to not have all of the answers.
• "Be still and know that I am God" is a Bible verse that is easier said than done.
• When I do manage to be still and trust in God, I wonder "why didn't I do this sooner?"!