Thursday, October 8, 2009

About masks..........

Well, it's October, and the monthly gathering of my "Wild Women's Gaming Group" (the game usually being Rummikub!) is insisting no admittance without a costume! I ALMOST declined to go, because-
1. I have a church women's event on Saturday, and I really need to spend some time doing housework during the weekend, and
2. I'm intimidated by the thought of figuring out a costume.

Then, I remembered how much fun I have at these gatherings, and how important it is to me to nurture my relationships with my friends.... and I tried to imagine how I would feel doing housework while the gals are having fun. So, I'm going!

So what's with me and my dislike for Halloween costumes? Well, for one, creativity is NOT my strong suit. The bigger thing is that I just don't like masks any more! I spent SO many years wearing a mask all of the time. I had a mask for any occasion! I'd walk into a room, survey the mood, and pull out the appropriate mask. It's like I was living the Santana song "Tell me just what you want me to be..........".

It feels SO good to be living without the masks! Imagine the freedom of feeling however I want to feel, instead of trying to figure out what I "should" be feeling and then trying to pretend. You see, in my masked days, I walked around numb and emotionless. Life happened TO me; I didn't live. Now, I can FEEL my feelings, and I've learned how to "mean what I say, say what I mean, just don't say it mean!" The grammar is awful, but the saying is memorable.

So, putting on a costume is a challenge for me..... and funds are limited. I thought about putting on white face paint, wearing black, and being a mime. That sounds easy..... but, I just don't know about covering my face like that! Sigh.............

I'll be sure and post whatever I decide to "be". Most importantly, behind that costume, I'll still BE myself!


Jayne said...

Oh, I think you should be the queen you've become Evelyn! Put that tiara on your head and grin girl!

I love the analogy of the masks. I can so relate. You should be so very proud of yourself my dear. XOXO

Evelyn said...

What a good idea, especially the part about the GRIN! :D
Thank you, Jayne!